I can't stop looking at it. But in a bad way.

I used to like a lot of lululemon's ads. They were just different enough from the fuzzy, squishy clarity/balance/peace ads directed at Yoga Journal readers that they stood out to me. They were a little aggressive, a little punchy. But then they got weird back in January with their creepy Ombama ad and it's been all downhill from there.

Speaking of fuzzy, this offering is plenty of that. Naked shopping (how, um, yogic?) aside, why connect the letters up top? Why take this leggy yet readable font and cram it against itself? The S is now isolated, and the UDE is cast adrift.

Really, though, the thing I can't stop looking at is the bad Photoshop job on this guy's chest. Were they trying to fuzz out some of his hair? Soften it up? And girlfriends, let's not even get started on what's wrong with the man's nips.


Spotted: Yoga Journal

I can't stop looking at it. But in a bad way.

Go away

All I know is if my doctor came in looking like this for my annual exam, I would be so out of there. Dude looks like he's about to propose that he do something indecent to me with the piece of rhubarb -- unexplained in the text -- around his neck. A woman wants to see skin ads with flawless skin in them, not doctors looking like her husband's feckless former roommate who shows up every three years needing $100 and a couch for the night, who hits on her while the husband is down in the basement fixing up the couch because she refuses to do it because last time he showed up he stayed two weeks while looking for a job.

Spotted: Vanity Fair.

Go away

Cheesy

(click for monster-sized image)

I don't read Vanity Fair to see ads like this. When I want to see ads like this, which is never, I would read Good Housekeeping or Family Circle. Seriously, an ad for cheddar in Vanity Fair? Without any breasts or pouty 15-year-old-looking boys in it? That's not why I'm here, VF!

I'm guessing rates might have fallen a bit, and outfits like the Wisconsin Milk Marketing Board can get in the juicy half-dressed action right next to Bulgari and Ralph Lauren. I pulled that guess right out of my ass, though, so don't go thinking you can put an ad in VF yourself.

In any case, if you're going to put an ad in a classy-looking mag like VF, please make sure it at least makes some sense. If you're going to write about a piece of cheese as if it were a burly man (um, ew?), why use a squirmy, kittenish font? And why put an avocado, arguably one of the least-macho pieces of produce available, next to a piece of cheese compared to the guy who always has a truck when you're ready to move a couch? This ad baffles and annoys me, and the typeface is a big reason why.

Spotted: Vanity Fair

Cheesy

Brrrrr

(click for monster version)

This ad from Patek Philippe is strangely chilly. The use of black-and-white makes it distant, and the position of the two models shows a total lack of warmth -- Dad is tilted away from Biff, while Biff's slouch is vaguely menacing. But the worst part of it is his expression.

What They Think The Ad Says
Dad: Son, this watch -- and gray hair implying wealth, slightly open shirt proving virility, and tilted posture of insouciant retirement -- will someday be yours, along with the cuff links.

Biff: Oh Dad, may you live forever, for while I am a strong young buck, I can never replace you.

What The Ad Actually Says
Dad: Son, this watch I'm not looking at, along with the cuff links, rattling around at the bottom of the page in a box full of a shade of brown rejected by the UPS Teamsters in their last contract, will someday be yours, even though you are clearly a product of your mother and her voice coach.

Biff: Dad, I totally am trying to figure out how to tell you that I crashed your BMW, called your wife a skanky ho to her face, and got the maid pregnant, all in the last seven minutes.

Spotted: NYT Magazine

Brrrrr

Welcome to the Blog

There are a lot of crappy ads out there. This blog is a repository for them, my rants on design, and occasional hails for those ads that make me want to cut them out and put them in my locker.

Welcome to the Blog