Where Do They Find These Guys?

It's like they're trying to find the most feckless-looking sons they can. Neither of these offspring look like they could be entrusted with a multi-generational watch. I'm starting to wonder about the lingering issues of inadequacy the ad director for this campaign might have regarding fathers. I'm all for a classless society, but if there has to be an upper class, I'd like it to have a little class, know what I mean?

Spotted: The Economist

Where Do They Find These Guys?

Cheesy

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I don't read Vanity Fair to see ads like this. When I want to see ads like this, which is never, I would read Good Housekeeping or Family Circle. Seriously, an ad for cheddar in Vanity Fair? Without any breasts or pouty 15-year-old-looking boys in it? That's not why I'm here, VF!

I'm guessing rates might have fallen a bit, and outfits like the Wisconsin Milk Marketing Board can get in the juicy half-dressed action right next to Bulgari and Ralph Lauren. I pulled that guess right out of my ass, though, so don't go thinking you can put an ad in VF yourself.

In any case, if you're going to put an ad in a classy-looking mag like VF, please make sure it at least makes some sense. If you're going to write about a piece of cheese as if it were a burly man (um, ew?), why use a squirmy, kittenish font? And why put an avocado, arguably one of the least-macho pieces of produce available, next to a piece of cheese compared to the guy who always has a truck when you're ready to move a couch? This ad baffles and annoys me, and the typeface is a big reason why.

Spotted: Vanity Fair

Cheesy

Brrrrr

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This ad from Patek Philippe is strangely chilly. The use of black-and-white makes it distant, and the position of the two models shows a total lack of warmth -- Dad is tilted away from Biff, while Biff's slouch is vaguely menacing. But the worst part of it is his expression.

What They Think The Ad Says
Dad: Son, this watch -- and gray hair implying wealth, slightly open shirt proving virility, and tilted posture of insouciant retirement -- will someday be yours, along with the cuff links.

Biff: Oh Dad, may you live forever, for while I am a strong young buck, I can never replace you.

What The Ad Actually Says
Dad: Son, this watch I'm not looking at, along with the cuff links, rattling around at the bottom of the page in a box full of a shade of brown rejected by the UPS Teamsters in their last contract, will someday be yours, even though you are clearly a product of your mother and her voice coach.

Biff: Dad, I totally am trying to figure out how to tell you that I crashed your BMW, called your wife a skanky ho to her face, and got the maid pregnant, all in the last seven minutes.

Spotted: NYT Magazine

Brrrrr